Thursday, December 3, 2015
Thesis - ISIS
The goals of ISIS, such as expanding its borders and diffusing extremist ideals world-wide, and its tactics have impacted the global community by uniting countries to form a coalition against ISIS, generating apprehension internationally, and by acting upon this terror in a brutal manner.
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Overall, I believe you presented your argument in a very strong manner. I liked the fact that you included a little bit of background information of the topic. However, the wording sounded a little awkward in the beginning with the phrase "such as" I think you could change the order of the wording to make your argument clear.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Vanesa's comments, and would add that to possibly make the wording "less awkward" use more concise words and phrases rather than complicating the sentence.
ReplyDeleteSome great ideas. As suggested by your peer reviewers, manipulate your sentence so that is more focused and clear.
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